It's been nearly 15 years

Well what can I say! Life carries on. 

I've lost even more people to cancer in the last 15 years, family & friends, but also know 5 who are survivors, one is my Mum 🙂

My son has struggled with loosing his dad at such at young age and also with his mental health at times, but is now at the age where he can talk about it with me which helps him. I did my best to help him over the years but it was difficult when he was a very angry teenager.

Life now is good and Colin is talked about often as lots of things remind me of him and I'm very lucky that I have a partner who has no issues with me talking about Colin and sometimes even asks me about him.

We recently went to see Rhod Gilbert at Symphony Hall, Birmingham, this show is mainly based around his cancer journey and at times it reminded me about Colins cancer journey and the trips to various hospitals for appointments & treatments. (I have just re-read the notes Colin made during 2 of his hospital stays. They remind me of him and his sense of humour). 

Colins cancer diagnosis and treatment journey helped me immensely when my Mum was diagnosed with bowel cancer in 2022 and ment I was able to support her through her treatments. She had chemo (only 1 dose) and radiotherapy then a full bowel removal, which at the age of 84 is a major thing to cope with but she has recovered well even if she can't now do everything she could before as she hasn't got the strength she used to have, but that could just be her age! I now ensure she has lots of homecooked frozen meals she can reheat without much effort. 

I now do lots of batch cooking!!

Nearly 9 years on...

Well where do I start... It been tough bringing up a pre-teen then teenage with anger issues due to the loss of his dad. Thankfully I had help from my new partner even though we both struggled to deal with/help him, but he has turned into a lovely young man and I am proud to call him my son.

A few years ago I feared for the path he was going down but he met a lovely young lady who helped him no end even though she was going through a tough time herself and ended up coming to live with us as she couldn't stay at home. She has been with us for nearly 3 years now and has become a very special more self-confident young lady, I think Colin would have liked her as much as I do and though of her as a daughter too.

We met up with Jill & Jean when they came to England, who became friends through this blog and facebook while Colin was ill. It was lovely to meet them in person after talking on facebook for years, but a shame they never got to meet Colin.

Kieran now being 18 has a motorbike, which I know would make a lot of people cringe but both his Dad and I had bikes when we were younger and I now have his moped. I have always loved bikes so can't object to him liking them and wouldn't. He is even off to the Motorcycle live show at the NEC this weekend.

I still see some of Colin's friends occasionally and some of them have seen Kieran out and asked him if his dad was Colin as he looks a lot like his dad, he comes home and says I've just been asked if I'm Colin's son by someone again.

Well what else can I say at the moment except life goes on but those that have gone are never forgotten, they are always in our thought and I think of Colin often and frequently tell Kieran "you are definitely your fathers son" especially when he does or says something in the same way as his dad would have, it makes me smile but also sad as his dad would have been so proud of him.

In memory, of an amazing man.....

A smile and a grin, you never had a frown

Your love for us all was something so special

That you can make me smile with just simple words

The cleverest idiot, in my universe.

Many people loved and knew you,

Nothing like how close you were to my heart

I just wish that I could turn back the time

And say the words that were you in your life.

Always look on the bright side of life

Was the thing that you lived by

You never faltered and never failed

You somehow always prevailed.

Your infectious laughter and the cheeky grin

The bushy moustache, hanging on your lips

The crap jokes you always did or told

The grin never faltering, even when you went bald.

I loved you from the beginning

Right till the very end,

You were my light and shining star

I now know you’re never afar.

I just wish I had the chance to say

‘I love you’ once more.

The fact you kept on laughing till the end

It made me thankful that you were Gods send.

I miss you and I love you

Never ever forget that.

Give everyone a hug from me,

And send a kiss to David please.

To someone who changed my life for the better~

I miss you Colin

by Laura Davies

This is so nice Laura. Thank you x

Our Year So Far....

All things considered it's not been too bad.

Kieran has coped very well although he's had his moments and does try to push his luck occasionally!

He wanted to keep some of his Dad's ashes in a jar, but I found a company that makes paperweights etc. containing ashes so he now has a paperweight and I have a ring http://www.ashesintoglass.co.uk/paperweights.php

I took Kieran to see Top Gear Live at the NEC for his Birthday, which he loved!!

We went on holiday to Cornwall in July and then in August we went to France with my 2 sister-in-laws and stayed with some friends over there.

A couple of friends were watching the Rugby yesterday and said as soon as they saw the red shirts they thought of Colin and remembered him singing the Welsh national anthem in Welsh as he always did!

This Christmas is going to be tough, but we will get through it with the help of family and friends.

First Holiday without Colin

It was very strange packing and going away on holiday without Colin.

It was so much easier just packing for 2 of us and on the journey there was no one else moaning about the other drivers.

Its only now that I'm starting to realise just how much I having been doing for Colin over the last few years as I am actually getting time to myself after doing all the jobs that need to be done each day.
Kieran and I had a lovely week in Taunton with Sue and Holly and went out for a few day trips. We went to Cheddar Gorge twice, Wells & Camelford and even got to wander round to shops in relative peace.

There are a group of us going to Edinburgh on 5th March for the weekend, so that should be fun!! All of a sudden I seem to have gained a social life which takes some adjusting too, but I'm getting there.

Thank You

To everyone for all the lovely cards/messages and support given to Me, Kieran and other family members over the last few weeks, they have been of great comfort even if they did bring tears to my eyes when reading them. Some of the stories voiced brought back some amusing memories, some very funny ones and others just very good ones, so thank you all for remembering those times as well.

This is one of the poems Laura, my niece read at Colin's funeral and I think describes him perfectly:

Not, How Did He Die, But How Did He Live?

Not how did he die, but how did he live?

Not what did he gain, but what did he give?

These are the units to measure the worth

Of a man as a man, regardless of birth.

Not, what was his church, nor what was his creed?

But had he befriended those really in need?

Was he ever ready, with word of good cheer,

To bring back a smile, to banish a tear?

Not what did the sketch in the newspaper say,

But how many were sorry when he passed away.

Here are a few of the comments that have been passed to us about Colin:

"When I was working away from home for the first time he took me under his wing." "Top Geezer." "Star." "He made you feel special, even when you first met him." "Always the first to buy the round and the last one to leave the pub"(until recently). "Sad loss of a very good friend." "He'll always be in our hearts." "An inspiration to others." "With out a doubt one of the cleverest idiots I have ever met."

I have not only lost my husband but my best friend and the person who could always make me laugh and did on many occasions. I will miss him greatly but remember him with love.

I thought of you with love today but that was nothing new

I thought about you yesterday and days before that too

I think of you in silence I often speak your name

All I have is memories and picture in a frame

Our memories are our keepsakes to which we'll never part

God has you in his keeping we have you in our hearts

Colin's Funeral

The Funeral Service will be at St Paul’s Church, Worcester, on Friday 15^th January 2010 at 2pm. Family flowers only. Donations in lieu of flowers if desired, for St Richards Hospice & Kidney Cancer Research c/o AV Band, 41 St Nicholas Street, Worcester. WR1 1UW